I do want to thank Jason, and everyone at the Monastery again for welcoming me with such openness. I’m still amazed that I was granted this opportunity to see shining types of the teachings of a course in miracles acim, and fo initially in a lengthy while, I do not feel alone.
Element of me wanted to keep longer, but beneath that desire was the idea that I could be doing this for the incorrect reason; as a means to avoid my problems. The stronger feeling was, and is, that my travels will continue.
Before I left, Jason asked if I had had any insights. What I’m about to fairly share wasn’t yet clear during those times; only on the drive away did it coalesce.
That morning, several lines from the Vance Joy song kept running through my head, “I never needs to have told you, never needs to have let you see inside. Don’t want it troubling your brain, won’t you allow it be?” This confused me as I possibly could not consider something that I had said that I felt regret for.
Eventually, the phrase, “don’t want it troubling your mind” stood out. This reminded me that the most prominent fear I had in coming to the Monastery was that I’d somehow interfere with its residents’satisfaction, by simply my presence alone. This belief that I possibly could negatively affect other people’s state of mind has been with me for quite some time, and has colored many of my past experiences and relationships.
This fear left my awareness right after I arrived. On the drive away it rose again, but I remembered David saying in one of is own videos that minds cannot attack. I cried and laughed, and now feel as if the belief has been (has been?) released.
You can find other things that happened that felt important, but I can’t consider them right now.